A Guide for Leaders to Support Themselves Through Life Challenges, Separation or Divorce

Leaders often find themselves juggling numerous responsibilities both at work and in their personal lives. Stress is a normal part of life, but some events or experiences can cause more stress than others and can affect your health, wellbeing, and performance. Different people may find different things stressful, but experts have identified some of the most common and intense stressors in life. According to research separation/divorce is ranked as the second highest stressor, only behind the death of a child or spouse. For leaders going through life challenges, such as separation or divorce, maintaining work-life balance, well being and performance at work can be particularly daunting. However there are some practical steps you can take to help you manage your well-being both at home and at work.

Consider talking to your manager or HR lead to make them aware of what you're going through. Good leaders will show support, empathy and understanding, and you may be able to work out alternative working arrangements for a period of time. Take advantage of your companies Employee Assistance Programme, there is no shame in seeking assistance, that is what it is there for and it should be totally confidential. Of course, you will need to talk to those involved in providing work based information you might need (salary, tax etc) but keep those discussions factual.

Build an emotional support network outside of work. Keeping emotional conversations about your divorce out of the workplace is wise from both an emotional and a practical standpoint. Talking about the personal and emotional aspects of your divorce should be reserved for close and trusted friends or family members outside of work.

Focus on your own well-being. Make sure you make time to manage your well-being and consider developing a well-being schedule. Maintain a good diet and exercise routine and schedule time for this. Take time to reflect on your well-being and to seek support and advice to make changes if you're feeling overwhelmed. Don’t neglect your need for emotional support, this is a stressful time. Consider if support from a Coach experienced in this area might be helpful, to provide valuable advice, support and to help you to manage your emotions and juggle life and work pressures during this stressful time.

In addition to having a strong support network, make sure you hire a lawyer who makes you feel empowered and comfortable, who helps you understand the divorce process and is accessible when you need advice. Manage expectations by discussing and agreeing realistic response times with your lawyer, and ask that they do this with your ex's team, to reduce unnecessary stress on you. It is also wise to take time to consider your responses, rather than reacting in the moment.

Be cooperative and realistic in your efforts to work with your ex and their team. If you or your ex take positions in your divorce that lead to additional meetings or even court appearances, your work performance will be affected, because those appearances will take you away from your office. In fact, even preparing the paperwork with your lawyer can take you away from your job for hours at a time. Approach your divorce pragmatically, organising as much as you can, and being as straightforward and transparent as you can be in terms of the documents and information you produce. If everything becomes a tug of war, and every aspect of the divorce litigated, this will take up a lot of time and energy.

Allocate a certain amount of time each day to addressing divorce-related communications. As much as you might like to wait until you get home at night to handle divorce matters, this can be exhausting. Divorce matters are generally handled during working hours, and if your lawyer has a question or information to share, your delayed response could mean a slowdown in the process. Set aside a block of time during the day when you can read and respond to emails and make necessary phone calls. Be kind to yourself and try not to set this time immediately ahead of difficult or pressurised work commitments, as your emotional reaction, both conscious and sub-conscious, to what you have dealt with in relation to your divorce may carry over in to your next work meeting or conversation. Take some time to de-compress before the next work commitment, perhaps using a breathing or centering technique.

Keep a running list of to-do items and questions for your lawyer so that you can jot them down when they occur to you throughout the day and then put them out of your mind until later. Sending your lawyer just one comprehensive email a day with all of your questions and concerns will improve your productivity as well as your lawyer’s (which can also save you money!).

Have separate work and personal email accounts. This is good advice whether you’re going through a divorce or not. Nothing can distract you faster than seeing personal emails popping into your inbox all day long. In fact, you may even want to create a new account specifically dedicated to divorce correspondence. Then, when “Divorce Management” pops up on your calendar, you can get straight to all divorce-related matters and take care of them during your allotted time slot. Similarly, keep any divorce-related documents in their own secure folder on your computer so you can access them at a moment’s notice rather than having to spend time hunting them down. Agree with your lawyer when you'll be checking emails to manage expectations and response times.

Keep your lawyer apprised of any non-negotiable dates on your calendar. If you travel for work or have certain must-attend meetings or events, make sure your lawyer is aware of these as soon as they are scheduled so you can avoid conflicts with any necessary meetings or court appearances. Being unable to meet key business obligations can not only put you under intense pressure but also damage your standing in the eyes of clients, your manager or your peers.

Divorce has the power to overwhelm you and to take up all your time and energy—but only if you let it. Putting practical measures in place can take some of the pressure off, and help you maintain control over your focus, your emotions, your energy and your well-being both at home and at work.

You may also like to read the Free Guide to Managing Your Well-being Through Life Challenges, Separation or Divorce available by clicking here

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